At the beginning of every school year, our administration never ceases to remind us teachers to remember our why. Why are we there? Why this profession? When times get tough (which is inevitable), what reason will push you through? I’ve read about many of the great businesses out there that employ this method of focusing, and it is a great factor for success.
If you’ve been keeping up with this series, “The Big 5,” I’m digging deep to reveal the 5 things that anchor my soul, and encouraging you to do the same. This third one goes to the heart of my why for every single thing I do in life…
Triad: Purpose
Fall of 2017, a year and a half into this teaching thing, I had an experience (culminated by lots of other leading plot points) that made me want to leave the classroom that very second. I literally said the words, “I just can’t do this anymore” to my department chair, who was wise enough to recognize my grief, not judge me, and endure the pain and fear with me.
I had this third period (freshmen) class that made me dread every other day of work (because we’re on A/B block schedule). Did I love them? Absolutely. Were they hard to love sometimes? Umm…HECK YES. This class had that “how did all of you get put in the same classroom” type feel. They all had problems of some sort: one was going to be a dad soon, one had a dad who was part of a known gang, one tried to drop out already, one was a tornado of disorganization, one wanted to be the comedian, a few had learning disabilities, most hadn’t passed the STAAR test… you get the idea. I had tried a myriad of tactics for classroom management just in the first couple months of school. Some worked better than others, but I always tried to make it the best it could be.
And one day it exploded.
One of my tactics was to punish the class as a whole (like a coach would a team) for behavior that did not meet the expectations; the punishment was I would hold the class a minute after the bell for each major offense. With third period being right before lunch, this did help in their motivation to perform better, but you always have those few that just don’t get it…so their time added up to three minutes. So the bell rang, and I reminded them of this, but of course, the most difficult ones refused. Most in the class respected that that was the set expectation and tried to help me contain the ones that wouldn’t comply.
Tensions got heated, and before you know it two boys were ANGRY. Calling their parents on the phone saying “this teacher won’t let me go to lunch” and what not (it had been ONE minute). These two boys decided to attempt to get through those waiting at the door, including me who was standing by the door. I tried to calmly talk to them, but they were beyond rational thinking: cussing up a storm, displaying their anger, calling me names. When I could see that one kid was going to go for it whether I liked it or not, I started to move out of the way. (By this time, my department chair had come to my aid, trying to reinforce my expectation.) This boy began using force behind his inching toward the door, and just in time to avoid a terrible confrontation, I moved with him strongly shoving his way through me and my department chair.
I had never felt so disrespected or humiliated in my life.
At this point the battle was lost, and I let them all out. I was trying to maintain composure while the kids were in there, but the second the last one left, the floodgates opened. With all the aches this class had already given me, this was the cherry on top. Actually, a little whipped cream was added when I called the mother of the boy who barreled through the door and she yelled at me for fifteen straight minutes in defense of her son (I saw where he got his impatience from).
“So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31
Why was I there? I legit wanted to not be. I wanted to be anywhere but there, but in the classroom. Oh, I know! Because God told me to be. He had called me to this. Whether I liked it or not, I had to go back the next day- the next period even, because third period was only the middle of the day.
Once I had some time to think post-explosion, the verse above came to the forefront of my heart. Did I love never knowing what I was going to encounter any given day? Did I love grading papers and obsessing over which TEK to put the most emphasis on? Did I love having to call parents about failing grades or worry about what warm-ups I would plan for the week? NO!
But what anchored me was my purpose: to bring glory to God through all my actions.
That’s it. If it’s finding creative ways to keep students’ attention, spending hours researching the best way to teach a TEK, giving a snack to a kid who’s hungry, picking up trash because the class left it a mess, arranging my desks to yield better participation… I’m going to do my very best because I’M NOT LIVING FOR ME. I am a representation of the One who made me and in whom I believe. I am to find my identity and comfort in Him, the Lord, not in my circumstances.
My lovely, dear friend Mallory Hairston put it wonderfully in a recent Facebook post:
“I think it’s to set my sights on Him, not the task itself. To be aware that the task is the means not the end. Even good tasks like memorizing Scripture, discipling my kids, cleaning my house, working to provide…these are means to knowing and glorifying God, to loving God and others.”
Every single thing you do is driven by some kind of purpose. The reason why I was able to make it through that last period of the day, and while I’m still teaching a year and a half after that explosion, is because I want to glorify Christ in that school.
Whatever you do, wherever you are, what drives you when, in the depths of your soul, you feel defeated? What pushes you to endure? Comment below- I’d love to know.
P.S. Scripture births prayer which determines purpose which is encouraged by…check out my next post to find out!
Live Designed 